close my eyes.

Throughout the Spring, I would close my eyes and imagine being so far away. In a different country. Or at a new camp. Surrounded by a new language. Or surrounded by a new community. Seeing things that I had never known about. It would always be such a peaceful image. Like a sweet dream. It would especially happen when I was at Evergreen getting ready for retreats this Spring. I remember over & over thinking how much I wished I could just close my eyes and instantly be where it was that God was calling me to. I would have brief moments of great desire that I would open my eyes and see my future...because if it was my future then that meant I would be finished with the "oh my goodness, I have no idea how to actually commit to this" phase. I can't explain how great the sweet peace was. It was fleeting, for sure. But it was great. I would think, "You know, if I was really given the choice to just close my eyes and end up exactly where I belonged I would absolutely do it. I'd be in." 


I had a realization during this last month that this new journey feels like I have closed my eyes in a place of uncertainty and opened them up to a place of utter provision. It feels like those sweet moments I had this Spring. It's like my unspoken, improbable, hint of a dream has come true. Beautifully real. I can't even explain how normal & right this move to Asia seems to me. It feels as innate as taking my next breath.