all in.

In February, I made the decision to not continue with Camp Evergreen after the Fall retreat season...so this upcoming October I will be finished. It was a careful, well-thought-out, prayerful decision that I felt wonderful peace about. I didn't have a job lined up for after October - which was both exciting and scary. But I wanted to be in a place where I could let God lead me. He had been entirely faithful to me in every job I'd ever had up to this point...beyond faithful. So why wouldn't he be faithful again? My desire was to work at another camp...a big, thriving, established camp full of great families. I was getting so excited as I would dream about where I might be going. I prayed earnestly that God would surround me with a meaningful, deep community. It's what I was longing for more than anything. 

(Those prayers were answered ABUNDANTLY this summer at Evergreen...in ways that I never knew I even needed. One of those incredible ways was the friendship that our Program Director, Megan Maloney, and I shared. Oh, I really don't have words to describe the depth of my gratitude that Megan was at camp this summer. And our old and new staff came together in such an amazing way...God was so faithful to all of us as we treasured our time together...the best community ever...and I know it's just the beginning in what he is going to continue providing for me.)

This is where it gets so good.

On June 22, I wrote in my journal:

"Today is the day I've decided to start seeking for what it is that I'm supposed to do next. I didn't mean for it to be today - but it just happened. I'm going to try to not hide from the fact that I'm leaving after October and I don't know what to do. It scares me and worries me and is overwhelming - but that doesn't mean I can bury it and not think about it. And Megan asked me the other night if I had ever thought about working at an orphanage. Just out of the blue asked me. And I said yes. I for real think about it. There is a part of me that knows that I know that I'll be working with orphaned/abandoned/abused/hurting children. Or teenagers. Maybe especially teenagers. And there's a big part of me that thinks I need to to go to some far off land to do that. Which may be true. But I need to seek out God's specific truth for my next move and not rely on my fears of making the wrong decision. Lord, weed out the LIES in my heart! I need that from you."

I wrote that entry REALLY late that night. So late that I could hardly stay awake but KNEW I had to write it down.  TWO days later...just TWO days...this is part of what I wrote in my journal:

"Cory Hallett is here this week. [Cory was the speaker for one of our camp sessions] He's the kind of person who is solid and kingdom-minded. I appreciate the words he says and the bond he has with the Holy Spirit. Cory said to me, "Have you ever been to South Asia? You should go." Just like that. He asked me if I knew this woman named Tammy and I do. She spoke with power when I heard her at Wesley a few years ago and I think about what she said all the time. He says she's looking for people to come to India for six months or a year or so. Out of nowhere he told me that. I kind of long to go and be abandoned and full and lost in Jesus' love- it's crazy - completely crazy. But maybe it's where I'm being led? I'm trying to think about it with an open heart. Is this what I've been waiting for?"

Cory and I weren't talking about traveling, or what I was doing next in my life, or ANYTHING remotely similar to that. He literally just out of nowhere asked me about India. There was something in the way his words touched my soul that I almost knew instantly that I was about to go to India. It was God-breathed for sure. And when he told me that it was with Tammy's ministry I was completely prepared for that...it so outrageously and crazily made sense that he was speaking about joining a ministry that I had already heard of and that had already been impressed upon my heart. I heard Tammy speak during my senior year of college. She spoke in such a genuine, real, loving, matter-of-fact way...and everything she said was gripping my heart. I let the fear sit in on me as usual, but I also filed away the idea of going to India somewhere deep inside of me...knowing that I would one day recover the file. I know it's crazy, but I sort of knew six years ago that I would go to India with Tammy. I tried to bury that idea away and not let it resurface, but it wonderfully and graciously made it's way into fruition. Our God is amazing. For him to want me even after I purposefully try to ignore him and do my own thing is an incredible wonder.

The next two weeks were filled with so many glorious encounters. 

• First and most amazingly, the fear that I had grown so accustomed to had COMPLETELY left. ENTIRELY. From the moment Cory mentioned to me about India there was NO REMNANT of it inside of me AT ALL. I so easily realized that I had entered into a season where God's provision and my obedience were walking hand in hand...and that's ALL I needed to not be afraid. To not let the enemy strangle my heart with that gut-wrenching, joy-stealing fear. Utterly simple, I know. But that was a HUGE step for me. Huge. And once I made the decision to step into the obedience then the enemy had no more power...because I wasn't believing the lies anymore. I learned a lot from Megan this summer about the enemy's lies and how sneaky he is...such truth for my life!

• Cory told me to 'take a step' and contact Tammy, plus Molly & Dylan who also work with Tammy. Another command. He said it might take a while for them to get back to me, but they all replied in such a short time. Molly emailed me an application right from the start. I was so thankful for that. She said 'Fill it out.' Another command. I know that one doesn't seem too impressive or God-breathed, but it was. People don't usually talk to me in commands. What would have been more normal in that situation was for her to say 'If you think you are interested, then you can fill out the application" or "Pray about it and then if you feel led you can fill out the app." I was so thankful for her command to 'fill it out' because I didn't have to even spend a second wondering if I should wait. SO helpful to me!

• I texted my sweet, amazing Emily Peagler and told her what I was thinking about. Her response was a resounding "Yes!! Do it!!!." Another command. Blow me away. Her joyous support was such a BLESSING! She is such a blessing to my soul.

• Kincey and I were able to talk for a long time one night...which is a miracle considering I was at camp and I NEVER have time to talk on the phone. Our conversation was much-needed and cherished...and Kinc had nothing but affirmation that I should pursue South Asia. Such a gift to me.

Here's a little blurb from my next pertinent journal entry, from July 14th:

"I really think I'm going to South Asia. Nothing so far has led me to any other decision except 'yes.' "

I literally kept getting 'yes' after 'yes' about EVERYTHING. It was blowing me away. I decided I was going to pursue the idea with reckless speed and with all of my heart - until I got a 'no.' If I got a 'no' then I would slow down and seek more detailed answers. But I never got a 'no.' Not once during this entire process. Did I mention that obedience and provision really make things work together!?  

On July 28, Molly emailed me to say that they would love to have me!!! I was looking forward to that email so much...and it seemed like it took FOREVER to come (which is hilarious because it was only EIGHT days after I emailed her my application...but it felt like MONTHS...the anticipation and excitement made me feel like I was going to literally bubble over!)

I responded to her and said "Use me. I'm ALL in."

And that was that! South Asia, here I come. I'm still full of awe and wonder at how things worked out so perfectly. Oh, thank you, Father!