rediscovery.

I am constantly amazed by how much my Father God truly cares for ALL the intricate places in my heart. He has provided, is providing, and will continue to provide – in the little things, big desires, and, incredibly, in longings that I don’t even realize I have. Over and over, God has given me things that I so entirely needed and HAD NO IDEA that I was missing them in my life. Breathtaking provision. Oh my goodness, it’s more than I really can wrap my mind around.

Since making the decision to come to South Asia, there has specifically been a HUGE way that I have known God’s touch on my life: in the acceptance that it’s ok to be here without a husband. I know that most of you wouldn’t think that would be a huge deal to me, but it is. I NEVER imagined coming to South Asia – or to any other country – by myself. It just wasn’t in the picture to me. Every notion I ever had about becoming involved in cross-cultural ministry would ALWAYS be immersed with thoughts of going with my husband. But here I am without him! Amazingly, it was at least a month (or more) after deciding to pursue South Asia that I had the realization that I was going alone – it just wasn’t an issue because I KNEW that the Lord had been preparing me for a time such as this to start my cross-cultural journey. The details that I had thought were so important just didn’t matter! It was so much BETTER to just be going along with what the Lord was doing – and not worry about the specifics! Can I just say how HUGE that statement is for my life! It is ABSOLUTELY a mindset that has been divinely given to me for this season – out of my simple “yes” has come inconceivable, personal care in the ways I needed it the most!

So here I am in India – fully single without even a glimpse of a prospective husband. And that’s ok – because I am living the life that I have been created for. BUT, just because I know that I am walking in the right direction doesn’t mean that I don’t desire to be walking it with my husband. It’s something I’m trying to learn how to deal with in the best way – because the longing so deeply dwells inside of me. I think about it all the time – and that’s really not an exaggeration. Often I feel weary of waiting on the Lord for my husband to come. Every new year I think that maybe this will be the year I meet him & maybe this will be the season that we start our lives together. But I hate admitting that I long for him – because it makes me feel like I don’t trust the Lord enough – that I’m ungrateful, selfish, and foolish for not being fully satisfied.

I mentioned to one of my friends that I have been pondering all of these thoughts, and she responded with the most incredible encouragement. She said that the VERY day I emailed her she had heard a message from Louie Giglio (who is an awesome speaker, by the way) about waiting and believing – and that he even talked in detail about the seemingly maddening process of waiting on a husband! Amazing timing for me to have emailed her – because I downloaded the message and it truly was PERFECT for my heart. It couldn’t have been better. Here is an excerpt from what Louie said:  

“There are people waiting for a husband and waiting for a wife. I mean, for real, we don’t say that in our culture because it makes us look desperate and nobody wants to marry somebody who’s desperate. You can’t say, ‘Man, I’m really waiting for the person God has for me. I’m praying that 2012 is going to be the year that the person God has for me arrives on the scene!’ Because when you say that in our culture you become desperate. What’s wrong with saying ‘I’m waiting on God to bring the greatest person alive on planet Earth into my world because what I want more than anything else is to walk with Christ with somebody in life together and I’m waiting that this is going to be the time that God’s going to bring the woman or the man that he’s got in his heart and in his dreams for me and I’m waiting. I’m waiting, I’m expecting and believing God.’”

P.S. If you want to listen to the message, you can go to www.passioncitychurch.com and download it. It's worth listening to...no matter what you are waiting for!

I’m so thankful to have heard these words! I’m telling you what, the Lord provides for me in the coolest ways! I still have the longing for my husband to come find me, but I have rediscovered the assurance that it's ok to be waiting.